Irrational Rants

2003-12-12T18:00:00.000-08:00

I must say, Best Buy are a bunch of idiots and retards.

I went over there on my way home from the comic shop because I found out that my Alias season one box set was missing disc six and instead had two disc fives. Ok, this is a glaring error, it isn't real hard to read the difference between disc five and disc six. So I get in line and wait, and wait, and I think I waited some more and after about 15 minutes I got called up to the counter. I explained my problem showed them that there two disc fives and no disc six and they say that they can't do anything about that. It is damage merchandise assholes, of course you can do something about it, exchange it for a working copy (I didn't say this to them, maybe I should have). So the girl goes and gets the manager tells her what is going on, and the first thing the manager does is check the dvds, I assume that this was because the manager thought that the clerk didn't know how to read, which makes me question there hiring policies, but I digress. So I am standing there and the manager says that they can't do anything about that.

Yours saying that I can't just even exchange these to? I asked her.

That's right.

But it is damaged, you can see it is damaged, it has two disc fives and no disc six.

I understand.

But I can't get a copy with all the discs, both five and six one of each.

No we can't do that.

How about you just give me disc six and take a disc five and damage it out.

We can't do that.

Your kidding me.

No, I'm not.

So yeah this went on for about 8 minutes of them telling me that they couldn't fucking even exchange a damaged product and in the end what they told me was because of the circumstances I would have to write the fucking manufacture and deal with them.

God are they morons. It's a fucking even exchange. Jesus.

On a happy note, look at me update. I rock.

2003-12-12T08:39:00.000-08:00

Last night on The Aquabats: *dun dun dun*

Oh the love I have for the Aquabats, I love them so good. On a whole the show really did rock hardcore. By the time I got there two of my friends that I was going with were already there, along with 2 more of my friends that I hadn't know were going to be there, as well as one of my friend's brother and his girlfriend, and they were both pretty hip too, so from the beginning there was much love. I should probably also mention that the traffic to get there SUCKED SO HARD, but that isn't really important because there WERE AQUABATS. Apparently I had missed the first band, who I am told was really good, but I can't make a comment on that being that I wasn't there yet. The next band was some sorta mellow rasta band which I gotta say was not fitting on the venue of punk and ska. Really they aren't worth mentioning so lets stop mentioning them. Around this time I got to catch up with my chums that were there, and look at the band gear, so despite the less than good background music it was still a good time.

Before the next band his the stage in the Ascott room the last friend I was suppose to go with had shown up and I got her her ticket and all the paranoia that I had going in had been beaten, shot, and kicked a few times, so that was nice. Then the next band, Manplanet, hit the stage. I can't help thinking that this band name would better represent a book by Adam Carolla, or perhaps a gay porn, but despite the name the band was good. The are kinda somewhere between being mildly heavy and techno, and put on a nice show. I later found out that the bassist for the band actually works at a grocery store like a couple miles from my house, and apparently went to the same high school as me and graduated like 2 years before me. I had no idea that anyone even remotely cool ever went to my high school, so there you go learn something new. I actually ended up getting 2 EPs from Manplanet so if people want to hear them I can help with that. The name still seem strange to me though.

Now on to the AQUABATS! Oh my goodness do I love them. I am not sure I really can say that much about it though. I don't know what to say. They played songs from across all four albums as well as at least 2 new one that are coming out on their soon to be released new CD (yay! new Aquabats). Chainsaw Karate actually broke his guitar at some point, but thanks to Manplanet handing over a new guitar the show went on, Chainsaw included. Other highlight included MC Bat Commander freestylin' which was hip, and by the end of the night MC Bat Commander could rap, that was sweet. The major highlight of the evening was being attacked by a man-sized bunny rabbit (not like Frank) who tried to blow up up, and that would have sucked, but the 'Bats saved us, and sent that hommie back to his hole. The bunny came back again, this time with a giant monster in his posse that even the 'Bats couldn't defeat...UNTIL! they learned that music soothed the savage beast, and the brought the monster over to there side. MC Bat Commander did a rousing chorus of Kill the Wabbit a la What's Opera Doc? But don't fear kids, Bat Commander called the beast back in the end and instead had the monster render the Bunny unconscious. The moral of the story? We can be friends with our enemies, as long as we beat them up first, or so Bat Commander tells us. Yes, music was played, villians were fought, moshes were pitted, commericals for new Aquabat products were watched, curfews were violated, it was a good night for all.

And to all you suckers that didn't go because of some sort of "club" or some other random reason, I call you fools!!!

Now that I am geared up in my anti-negativity helmet and my Aquabat mask (don't you wish you had those) I am off to fight crime right lefts, and be peaceful for the aquabatty way, cause they really are super rad.

Later all.

And of course Badger Badger Badger Badger.

2003-12-10T21:44:00.000-08:00

Today I feel...FULL OF FUCKING RAGE!!!

My day was going so nicely till I got home tonight. I got to chat with a really cool girl for like an hour and a half plus, and that was great and so I was walking home full of hope and joy, so of course it is time for the world to shit on me. *twitch*

Any I should provide some backstory, imagine the squigilly flashback lines now. Today was declared a snow emergency, so what this means in St. P is that at night you have to park on the day routes, which are every road that are not marked as a night route, and you can't park on the night route roads until they have been plowed curb to curb. And during the night you can't park on these night routes. Ok so Adam draged his ass out into the frozen tundra at 5:45 in the morning and moved his damn car to a night plow road which had already been cleared. Adam was so paranoid about this whole fucking affair that he took a damn picture of the road and his car, and the condition of both. Then Adam trudged his frozen butt back to bed, got up at and went to class at 10:30, stopping at his car before you got to class to make sure all was cool, and it would seem it was.

The day was good, got to chat with this hip chick for over an hour and a half, and then Adam walks smiling to where he parked his car. Cut to Adam's shock when his fucking car isn't there. WHERE THE FUCK IS ADAM'S CAR! Well of course it had been fucking towed, despite the fact that he was fucking legally parked. Grr...kill kill. So Adam got Bets his roomie to take his ass to the bank, remove an absurd amount of money, and go retrieve is fucking car that was taken from him for NO FUCKING REASON.

To top all this off Adam took a look at the fucking ticket. It claimed that it was written at 9:27. If they mean 9:27 AM why wasn't it on the car at 10:30 AM and if they mean PM why was the car gone at 9:20. FUCKING ASSHOLE BASTARDS.

So full of hat Adam must speaking in the third person. Fuck.

2003-12-05T12:50:00.000-08:00

It seems I associate certain personality characteristic to certain animals, and while I am sure animals can have different personalities, I think they hold in common the characteristics I associate with them.

For example I think penguins are very self-conscious birds. I mean they can't fly, they waddle cause they don't really have legs just there little feet at the bottom of their body. Other birds on the other hand I think are kind of elitist assholes. I can just imagine the other birds making fun of the penguins (bastards)

Birds: Look at you stupid little penguins, can't even get your feet off the ground.
Penguins: Hey, we can swim
Birds: Oh, you can swim can you, big fucking deal, mammals can swim
Penguins: Well, well...
Birds: Well, well, what?
Penguins: Just leave me alone ok? *penguins waddle off*
*birds yell after him*
Birds: Why don't you make me leave you alone Pengie, why don't you fly up here an stop me? Oh, oh you can't!!!
Penguins: Shut up.
Birds: I'll tell you what penguin, I will fly down there and you can waddle you butt back over to me and show me what you've go.
*penguin waddles off in the other direction*

Don't get me wrong, penguins are really hip animals, I love 'em, and if they would just stand-up for themselves they could really show those other birds a thing or two, "Hey check out me sliding, try that fly boy", or when they come out of the water, that is sweet, but it is a just to much to ask for penguins to stand up to the birds that have made fun of them their whole life.

Now, T-Rex's I think are trying to compensate for something being the big beastie, king of the monsters and all that, but they have got these little stupid arms.

Dinosaurs: Will you look at that T-rex?
T-rex: You talking about me, punk?!
Dinosaurs: What? Huh? No, no.
T-rex: Cause if your talking about me I will fucking eat you!
Dinosaurs: Yeah, Whatever?
T-rex: You saying I won't eat you? I will so eat you, you will be a fucking snack
Dinosaurs: Yeah, yeah, you'll fucking eat me, you always say you willing fucking eat me
T-rex: And I will!
Dinosaurs: Yeah, what are you going to pick me up with a-hole? Those little wussie arms.
T-rex: Shut up, I'm the fucking king of the dinosaurs I will crunch your fucking bones!
Dinosaurs: Yeah, yeah, sure you will.
T-rex: I will!
Dinosaurs: Whatever. *dinosaurs walks off*
*t-rex yells after*
T-rex: Yeah you will better run away, wimp. I would so eat you. *to itself* My arms aren't wussie. Fucking eat that asshole.

Maybe I just thought about this to much.

And Megan, BADGER, BADGER, BADGER, BADGER!

2003-11-17T14:31:00.000-08:00

I promise this is a less angsty blog then last weeks.

I was accused of hating America today. I though that it was a little strange, I was talking with a friend of mine at work about "The Boondocks", and about The Adventures of Flagee and Ribbon, and another co-worker of mine said, "Why do you even live in America if you hate it so much?". The statement confused me. I mean all you poor saps that actually read what I write have some sort of insight into what I think, Do I hate America?

I know that I am not pleased with our current government, being that they are moving steadily and quickly to the right. And I know that I am not pleased that laws are being passed allowing for conceal and carry laws, outlawing third term abortion with no exception, giving tax breaks to the wealthiest members of society, making civil liberties a thing of the past, and going to war because of falsified information. Yeah, these things do piss me off, but does that make me hate America?

I will say that it makes me hate what America is doing, and I think I make that point pretty clear, but the fact that I make my point very clear that I hate what America is doing I think says something very different about how I feel about America. Actually I feel like I care a lot for America, but it is America the idea, not America the currently existing place. I can't help but think that in all my gripes and bitches about the current state of things that I am not expressing a hatred of America, but a love of it, not as it is, but as it should be. It seems to me that the country was built on rebellion, conflict and compromise, and things become there best only when they are challenged. To that way of thinking I feel like I am doing something to try and make the country better because I question what I feel is wrong with it. Why would I try and improve something I hated? And nothing ever got better by ignoring the problems within it.

If this person meant I hate the state America is in, ok there probably right. I don't like the fact that we exist in one of the wealthiest countries in the world and a substantial portion of our society can't afford healthcare. I don't like the fact that the system is built to favor the rich and disadvantage the poor. I don't like that we do our negotiations with an outrageous military budget rather than through compromise. I don't like a lot of things about the country at the moment, but I still believe that at the core of the Country there is something worthwhile deep in the heart and soul of what begun this country, something that in trampled on far to often, but something worth fighting for. I guess that is why I am confused about why I was asked why I live here if I hate the country, I don't hate America, I want America to be better. I want people to stop thinking that they are being patriotic by following orders, if you want to be patriotic challenge your government to be what you want it to be, challenge your government to be better than what it is, question your governments actions and how effective they are. Make the government into the idea that it was intend to be and has yet to reach. Fuck, now I sound all idealist and pro-America. Bush's government still sucks hardcore and it is the most ineffective, inappropriate, misused, and abused use of power in god knows how long.

There now I feel better.

2003-11-14T00:16:00.000-08:00

It strikes me a cruel irony that standing at the edge of a cliff trying to catch people before they fall, you are trampling grass. It is small. But it is something that should be remembered.

If you know me, you might understand that.

2003-11-14T00:13:00.000-08:00

Stolen from a conversation with a friend of mine pertaining the blog before this one.

I don't know. I am not sure that I have expressed it very well in that. I care very little about being let down, because I very often am in the process of waking up, or turning on the news, or presidential elections. I think my concern honestly has to do with what I might be doing to someone else. It isn't about them not liking me. I seriously have gotten to know rejection pretty well, we're pals. It is that I don't want to hurt someone else. I don't want to "allow the emotional door to swing in" because I don't want them to have to deal with the crap that makes me hurt cause I want people to hurt less. I don't want anyone to hurt from my stuff. I don't think that it is about me not wanting to be hurt. It is me being scared shitless of hurting someone.

2003-11-13T19:48:00.000-08:00

I have no idea what compels me to post this shit on the internet for the world to read. I don't think that I will ever really understand. I chalk it up to masochism.

I was walking by a girl I have been thinking about asking out today. Now don't get me wrong this doesn't have some big crush behind it, really I am trying to change my strategy. I mean in the past I have never asked a girl out till she had totally driven me mad. Clearly this strategy didn't work that well. I mean once I really wanted to ask a girl out I was a wreck trying to do it cause I really wanted her to say yes, which made it nearly impossible to do. Plus there haven't been a whole lot of girls that make me stop and just say WOW! 6 in the last 8 years I think and that is the liberal estimate, 5 is the more conservative number. Plus by the time that I did get around to asking them out with the great majority of them I was really good friends, which is about as good as a sledgehammer to the fucking skull. But I digress.

I walked by this girl that I have been thinking about asking out, and then I walked by her again, and then again I walked by her, and I never asked her out. Thinking about it I am really starting to wonder whether I should be dating anyone, I am really starting to believe that I should just be single. Now any of my friends reading this, of which there are probably a few, are going to assume that this is cause I don't think I am good enough for a girlfriend or cute enough for a girlfriend. But the truth is I think I am a better human being than the great majority of the dating population, or just general population of the whole damn world, and I think I am pretty cute as well. And I could just be that I didn't ask this girl out cause I didn't want to ask in front of a bunch of people, or interrupt the people she was talking to, which is what I kept telling myself at the time. But I don't think either of those things are it. I think it is something else.

Part of what I think it is is my fucking desire to protect people (Yeah read the last angsty post). I know the shit that goes on in my life, and I know what I can be like, and I know what goes on in my head, and none of that is any worse than any of the crap in anyone else's life, but I just can't bring myself to put that on someone else. It seems really weird to say cause I have this huge support system of friends that are there for me anytime I need them to be, but the truth is if I ever needed there help I would never ask for it, cause I don't want to burden them with that. The only things I will ever put on them are those that I can take on myself as soon as I think that I am causing them any struggle. I will not put burdens on people because I know I can take them, and if I can't then at least I know that only I will be hurt. It seems like this is something that I would have to do dating someone, it seems like I would have to be willing to let them into my life, that I would have to let them be burdened by me, and I don't think I can let myself do that to someone.

The other thing that really makes me think that I should be single is that my dependence on them. Again this strikes me as really weird to say cause I have these friends that I know, as much as I know anything in my life, would be there for me anytime I needed them, for anything, and at the same time I just can't let go. I depend on my friends a lot, but what I depend on them for are those things that I know I can catch the slack on if they drop them, or just things that I can let fall. If it is something that I really need, I just can bring myself to trust that I will not be let down, no matter who that person is. It seems like this is another aspect of dating that I just can't bring myself to do. It seems like in dating you are setting yourself up to be dependent on someone, you are counting on them to do something, just to be there, and I don't know that I can do that.

Most Nights I want nothing more than to be in love with someone again. To have someone that I smile just thinking about, someone that I could call just to hear them breath, or to laugh. Someone that I wanted to be with that I knew wanted to be with me. Someone that I could simply wrap my arms around and have faith in. But that is the catch, that is the problem, I simply can't have faith in much of anything. In the end that is why I think I should just be single.

Or maybe this is all because I am listening to the Great Expectations soundtrack, which is great but depressing. But everyone should check out Slave by David Garza and Breakable by Fisher. It could just be the music but I doubt it.

I think I should just remain single. P.S. this was better written the first time.

2003-11-10T00:21:00.000-08:00

God, it has been a long time since I have sat down to write. I am going to be better about that, but my life is dull and I haven't had much to say of late. Well for now you got it folks. It's me again with a little attitude for all you out here in Whitebread Land. All you nice people living in the middle of America the beautiful. And if you don't know what that is from, get out more.

I must warn you all that I am feeling a little angsty tonight, which just means the day ends in -Y, I have the lights turned down low, and melencoly music playing in the background. Really if I had a girlfriend I would be wishing that she was here now, but being that I am painfully single, at the moment I am just feeling alone. Don't get me wrong, don't feel bad for me, I actually enjoy the feeling, it is just a stament of fact though, right now I feel isolated. Sitting alone in the dark, at my computer listening to Under the Milkyway Tonight, while the rest of my house, and all my messenger friends sleep.

So what should we talk about tonight. Really, though the government drives me nuts, and there is so much about the world that depresses me, I feel like talking about myself. Yes, I am quite the ego maniac, and if you keep reading you will learn more about me then you probably want to know. That was your only warning.

So I know people have asked me in the past why I behave like I do, what makes me tick. It is an eternal question I guess, what makes you, you. Well, sadly I think I have some pretty good insight into what makes me, me. Now I know that people have said that I am anything from just a really nice person, to being extremely whipped by women, and many other things and they all wrong. I wish I could claim to be really nice, or concerned, and perhaps these are side effects of what I actually am. But what really makes me tick when you take the rest of it away is comics. It seems so funny in some sense, but comics are what have made me the person I am more than anything else.

I have read comics since I was at most 7, and to this day I get my weekly issues. And I could go on endlessly about comics in my life, but why they are important is that they showed me heroes. I don't actually believe in heroes. I mean people say cops are heroes, or firefighters, and they are great people, but heroes are beyond human. People can do heroic things, and people can be heroes to individuals, and the idea of a person may even take on a heroic nature, but people, real people, are to flawed to ever be heroes in my mind. So where does that put me, I have spent my life reading about heroes, and I don't believe they can really be. I guess it has left me aspiring. I have spent my life reading about people doing, amazing things, and making a difference in the lives of people, honestly fighting the good fight, changing the world for the better.

I am too cynical to believe that I will ever make a difference in the world as a whole. The world is big, and there are to many people fighting for there own stakes for me to believe that I will ever win any fight I take on. But at the same time I have to fight, because everything I have read, and looked up to in my life has said that there is something worth fighting for out there and that the good guys can win and the world can be right, and people will do the right thing. The truth is that there is nothing out there, and what is worth fighting for is only in my own head. Right is totally subjective and will always hurt someone, the good guys will never win, and most likely never existed, people will usually, if not always, do what is in there best intrest. I am stuck between the reality and the fiction, but I got to say the fiction is so much more appealing. Ok, I said I was going to talk about why I act like I do. Honestly I think I act like I do because I want to believe in someone, and so that someone has to be me, cause anyone else will let me down. I want to be a hero, even though there is no place in this world for them. I want to make the world better and it is a fight I can't win. I know I am fighting windmills, but the alternative is to live in the world as it actually is, and I just can't accept that world, because it ruins my dreams, so fighting windmills it shall be.

I know that what I do isn't on the superhero level, and inless there is a radioactive spider in my near future, it never will be. That isn't the point. The point is that I am trying to be the person that only exists in the fiction, because it is the only person I can see as worth being, because this world strikes me as being so...cold.

If you need me I will be standing at the edge of the cliff, trying to catch people before they fall off.

2003-06-27T13:23:00.000-07:00

I really need to just stop watching the news. It makes me mad, and sad, and other feelings ending in -ad. So really the news pisses me off for a lot of reasons, not the least off which is that the government has their hand up most news agencies tokheses (that’s a puppet joke). Oh well at least I still have The Daily Show on comedy central for reliable news. So what exactly pissed me off on the news last night? Well first off they reminded me who is "president", and that is just plain mean! But in addition to this there were other issues. So the "president" has turned down military support in policing Iraq. Why? Christ why? How is this possibly a bad thing, clearly we aren't popular there, other countries could do the exact same thing we are, turn down the help. On top of that people want up to invade Libya. Ok, I get that this could mend fences but can we not be at war for a while, maybe take a summer vacation or something you think?

The last thing that was mentioned in the press conference was Bush mentioning how again homosexual marriage he was. I seem to be ranting about this stuff a lot; personally I blame Savage Love and the inspired diatribes for Dan Savage, but oh well. I just don't get this, how do people hold these bigoted views so publicly. If he were to claim that he didn't believe in interracial marriage or something people would string him up, and with good reason. I just don't see the real difference, OH MY GOD SOME PEOPLE DON'T FIT THE MANUFACTURED IDEA OF THE NORM! I personally am shocked. Ok, for all the punks out there that are like, but marriage is religious and some religions don't like homosexuals, get a clue. 50 years ago some religions didn't like non-white racial groups and used the fucking Bible to defend there hate, they were wrong then and they are wrong now. Marriage is not actually a matter of religion, it is a matter of religion and legal status, that is all, the religious side is just ceremony. On top of that, religion shouldn't fucking promote hate of anyone, it just doesn't seem right. Then again for religion not to promote hate would mean that it would be an entirely different animal than it has been for the last...history of human existence. Ok, fine I can't reasonably expect religion to stop promoting hate, they have been doing it forever and really are quite good at it, but I at least expect better of my government. Yes, the government to has been promoting hate since 1776, but it exists as a representation of the people so it should change with the views of the people and at the moment it doesn't seem to be doing that. Seriously, policies that are flat out bigotry, shouldn't this have stopped in the mid-60's, couldn't they have learn at least not to make it so god damn obvious, oy. How hard is this really to figure out, "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness." It has all ready been established that Men is at least interpreted to be sex inclusive (men and women are created equal), but how exactly have people been cut out of this. All men does not imply all men except for those that dig members of the same sex, or that are of a difference skin tone, all men are created equal, so it seem pretty clear that it is an all or none proposition, either any set of consenting adults can get married or none of them can, either way I don't care, I just want the rules to be fair about it.

As long as I am ranting in this general I would like to just say piss off to all of the conservatives that are angry about the supreme courts decision which put the kibosh on all laws preventing sodomy, homosexual or otherwise. First of all see the section above where I am bitching about the "All men are created equal thing" apparently not amounting to squat. Second of all what the hell business is it of the state what consenting adult do in the privacy of there own homes, so long as no one other than perhaps them gets hurt. The job of the state, is to make this world a better place for, in the worst case its citizens, and in a much better case make the world a better place for all those living in it. Basically, stopping people from what they are choosing to do and what is not hurting anyone else is really not going to accomplish that end. Thirdly, you really need to be careful what you say you can and can’t do. Let's talk about sodomy for a moment shall we, technically what that refers to isn't anal sex, though it is part of what sodomy is. Actually sodomy refers to any sex without the possibility of reproduction, which mean oral sex is out to. The thing is that technically that could be interpreted to mean that birth control is also illegal, because if preventative measures are taken then the sex can not be reproductive. Hell, sex with someone who is sterile is always sodomy. Anyway I say good riddens to this anachronistic law. The world is over-populated as it is, sodomy for all! Though I should put a side note here, I am pretty sure that the Supreme Courts decision killed Strom Thurman, I am still not sure how though, I have two working theories. It was either, "Oh my god, people do what? With who, and they stick it where? and then his heart exploded. Or possibly, "Finally I can do it in Texas" and his heart couldn't take the joy. I think both are likely scenarios.

2003-06-27T12:31:00.000-07:00

Oh I feel a blog coming on. There are days that the world truly impresses me and makes me think that maybe it isn't just composed of incredible fucks...then there is the rest of the time. Maybe I will be cheerful and start with the good news. The Supreme Court has proven that they actually are pretty decent human beings. For those that don't know yesterday the Supreme Court ruled that the laws prohibiting homosexual sodomy in Texas and a few other states (Kansas, Missouri and Oklahoma), ten other prohibit sodomy for anyone, by the way those other ten are Idaho, Utah, Michigan, Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, Florida, North Carolina, South Carolina, Virginia. The justices view (the ruling was 6 to 3) as I understand it is, that the government really doesn't have any say in what two consenting adults do in the privacy of there own home. Actually you can read exactly what they say, including the dissenting opinion at www.sodomylaws.org, yeah that is a really site, real informative too.

My thing is basically the same as the what came out of the courts, really who's business is it, other than the people involved what people do in the privacy of there own homes. Ok, I know that some Christian fundamentalists are out that going "oh but that's a sin", ok I don't buy that in the first place but hey lets say it is, Who the hell cares. If it is a sin it is their choice, their right, let people do what they want as long as they aren't hurting anyone else in the process, and before anyone gets on there high horse and starts in on oh but it is hurting someone else, the thing is what happens between two adults in private is their business and no one else’s, it doesn't hurt anyone. Really I don't care what people do in private as long as it is what they want to do. I sounds cold that I don't care what people do, but hey why don't I explain this and my entire theory about Homosexuality and why no one should care what sex someone digs.

Basically it is my belief that people caring about other people is something that is far to rare in this world, and people in love is even rarer. So why should it bother me if the two people that care or even love each other are both male, or both female, or strangely male and female. It shouldn't matter the sex who you are with, it should only be that you want to be with them. I am taking my cue here from Chasing Amy love is a hard thing to find, so how can we expect 6 billion people to find it if we cut all of their chances in half. If you love them the rest is just details.

So for all of you people out there that have someone that you love, I envy you, hold on to them as long as you can.

2003-06-19T08:25:00.000-07:00

Ok, since it is out there and not being use for much else my Blog gets to be Book Club Central. For the Book club that just wouldn't go home, the "adult" book group (not adult like dirty, just bearing the apperence, but not the intellect of a grown up) we are going to meet on the 22nd of June for our first meeting, so 6 days or so. The first book we have got is Misery by one Mr. Stephen King, and copies are at the Tonka library, you can just ask for Adam's books or something, maybe the grownup book group books would be better though... Yeah, so get the books and I will see you at the Tonka library around 7 next wensday night. Ciao all.

2003-06-16T15:55:00.000-07:00

Well I am rested up and ready for ranting. Really this is a play back of a rant that I went on earlier but who knows maybe I will come up with something new along the way. So, women they confuse me. Now before you assume you know what I am going to say, this isn't a "they tell me they want one thing but really want something else" rant that isn't my style. What confuses me about women is that they settle. Really it is something that people do in general, but I have been seeing women do it a lot more lately. This isn't that women can't put up a fight or something, the women I know are probably stronger than the men I know, I tend to believe that women are trained that they need someone so badly that they will settle to get it. If you haven't caught on, this is more the "why do girls go out with assholes" rant than the "not knowing what women want" rant. This is all coming out at the moment cause I have had the dismay of hearing women say lately, I don't deserve...fill in the blank. I just can't wrap my head around this. I agree that there are boundaries for what you really should be asking of someone, saying, "Hey you, fly" is an unrealistic expectation. Plus I am a firm believer in the idea the relationships are reciprocal, in other words give and take, but at the same time as all of this why does anyone ever think that they don't deserve what they want. I'm not talking about the shallowest desires, though hell if that is what you want, you really shouldn't give up on that and settle for less than that. But those things that people really truly deeply do want, then my understanding of why people would give up on what they want in that sense to settle for what they think they can, or what they think they deserve, I can fathom it. I guess it relays back to a wonderful quote that I have no idea where I got it, and really wish I did, but it was something like, "I can understand a woman wanting something rather than nothing, but what I have never understood is a woman that believes she has nothing.

To be fair this is not a gender or sex thing, Men tend to be trained more that they deserve something if they can get it then women are, but at the same time this feeling is pervasive in our society. As I am writing this I just kind of figured out that what I am looking for is a reason for apathy, well that should be simple to figure out. Lets look at it in terms of government, even if people don't agree with what the government is doing they don't do anything about it, ok some do, most don't, they don't get up in arms, instead people just sit back and take it, feeling like they earned this horror somehow or that they can't change it anyhow, that they can't do any better. What the hell is wrong with us that we just roll over play dead and take it. Why won't we fight back? Why can't we see that we deserve better than the shitty job that is done in our names. I know the easy answer is that fighting is hard and it never feels like we get anywhere so we don't bother, but it feels like there has to be something else at play here cause sitting back and taking it is hard too. Wow, I really burned myself on this one, now I just disenfranchised myself looking at the situation that exists. I really want an answer of what we can do, but I don't know what it is. We have to do something I guess, it seems like that is the first step against just taking it is doing something even if it isn't enough, protest what you don't believe in, write you statesmen and get craptastic form letters back, spend your time writing angry blogs that no one reads, that’s what I do. My advice, go watch Pump up the Volume and Empire Records, maybe you will feel better. This is Happy Harry Hardon saying, damn the Man save the Empire. (Watch the movies and you will understand how insane I’m not...I think)

2003-05-28T17:57:00.000-07:00

Well it looks like I am back and I am a college graduate, but really I have better things to rant about. So I got a letter from "my representative" Jim Ramstad today in response to my letter regarding the dumbass now passed tax plan. So before I go off on this I feel like it is only right that I let you all read what it says, I am retyping the whole deal so you better appreciate this.

Dear Adam:

Thank you for letting me know of your opposition to the economic growth and jobs bill passed recently by the U.S. House of Representatives.

We all know that over one million people have lost their jobs over the past two years, and too many families are hurting. Personally, I know too many people in our Congressional district who have lost their job. For me, the bottom line is jobs!

We must provide incentives for economic growth to create jobs and put people back to work. Economists predict the economic growth package will lead to the creation of at least 1.2 million new jobs by next year. This package will increase business spending, consumer spending and investment which will grow the economy and create jobs. In turn, additional tax revenues will be generated to help balance the federal budget.

The U.S. Senate passed its own economic growth and tax relief package. Now, a conference committee of the House and Senate will meet to pass a compromise bill.

Although we might not agree on this approach to growing the economy and creating jobs to put people back to work, I do respect and appreciate your views. Representing good people like you makes my job worthwhile.

Thanks again for contacting me, and let me know whenever I can be helpful to you.

That's all of it, save the sincerely and signature. So here is the thing, first of all I do understand that this is a form letter written for the idiot majority that being said here is where I rant. This is such a bullshit condescending letter. First of all the language is inherently biased, "...your opposition to the economic growth and jobs bill..." couldn't you say the new tax plan jackass? No, instead you say economic growth and jobs bill cause no one should oppose that so it makes you seem like Jim is right. Here is the problem with the bill, and here is why I took the time write him a letter. What this tax plans means by incentives for economic growth is tax breaks for the wealthiest people. What I am not quite understanding about this whole thing is why do you think that this will better the economy? The wealthy already have money to spend and stimulate the economy, giving them more won't make them spend it, they will save it. This is the same kind of tax plan that Regan tried in the 80's and created a recession, trickle down theory doesn't work, and it really doesn't work when you are dealing with an open economy like we are. The other thing Jim left out with this whole thing is that when he is referring to additional tax revenues is increased taxes on the lower classes, cause those that have house payments and such would never need that money, or dare spend it if they had it. Ok, what else? Oh the Economists that predicted that this would create 1.2 million new jobs, I really would like to get a source on that, cause I do know that the past 7 noble laureates for economics have said that this plan doesn't stand a snowballs chance in hell of working. All this plan is going to do is benefit the rich, and further establish the class structure as a permanent condition and reduce class mobility even further, yay. Ok, I think I am ranted out. I hate the government, I hate the fact that I am not really represented, I hate the fact that votes are so easily bought and people in power really care so little for the little guy. Just for the record I love this country, I just hate what happens to it.

2003-05-24T11:02:00.000-07:00

Well this is the last post that I am going to do before I graduate from college, which is in approximately 2 hours and 20 minutes. A couple of the people I know have been saying that this wasn't that big of deal cause I still going to be around and taking classes for my teaching license. The thing i don't think they realize is that it is just me, a lot of my friends are graduating too, and kind of get thrown to the four corners of the globe. In addition to all of that, you can feel a change happening, even if you are staying around something is different, something has ended. It's weird, in high school I saw it coming for along time and was able to deal with it because of that, but this year came and went to fast, I was so blindsided with Senior papers, and other huge papers, and trips to Salt Lake, and finding someplace to live, and figuring out what was next that I didn't see it as quickly this time. In fact by the time i realized the reality of the situation it was almost to late to say goodbye. The things you realize are strange, I mean I am going to be here so stuff like the campus or the Cities, I am really not going to miss but like living in a little dormroom, I mean they can suck, but mine haven't been that bad and I am going to miss it is a some twisted way. And then there are the people, they are the thing I am going to miss the most, not just my friends but my professors as well. It seems ackward to say that cause I really don't feel like I am going anywhere but the dynamic with the profs. seems like it would be different once I am not an undergraduate, maybe I am wrong about that one. The friends I will definately miss, some are leaving now, and some are slowing going to drift off but in either case they are going to not be as close, and as I learned from high school, I might be able to hold on to a lot of them but some are going to always slip through. Beyond the professors, and the friends, there is a certain energy in this place that I feel like is going to change. This has been my home for the last 4 years, and it is going to continue to be my home in someways, but something about it is changing, or something is changing in me and the way that I see this place, either way it will never be the same. Time to sign off. See you space cowboy.

2003-05-20T01:27:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I have been writing papers all weekend and really for about the last week has been just writing papers and I really reached a breaking point and really wanted to stop writing the papers. The thing is I really couldn't bring myself to do it, at this point I didn't care about my grades or even graduating, the thing is I really feel like I owe something to my professors. I think this pretty unique to Hamline, so I have to give credit to my professors. It's really saying something when I feel like I actually owe my professors loyalty, quite a bit of loyalty. I know that Professors like, Dr. Cady, Kellert, Mike Reynolds, Mary Strunk and Kris, they all become so involved in who we are, as students and as people, it gets to appoint where it is not just, I should do this, it becomes I need to do this cause I can't my professor down. I'm just really impressed that it is so clear how much my professor's do for at least me and I know a few others as well, that we really feel we owe them, and I think we do. It says something that they can inspire such allegiance, really devotion, that we feel rightly feel so obligated to them. Well to Doc Cady, Kellert, Mike, Kris, Mary and all my other profs if you are reading this thanks, if you need a kidney or something let me know.

2003-05-20T01:09:00.000-07:00

So this weekend despite the overwhelming finals I did go to The Matrix Reloaded and before I go any further I should mention that I was disappointed with it, really even the special effects weren't that great. Anyway a blog for another time. I realized when I was watching it that school has ruined me; I can't just take things by their surface level now I am always looking for the damn deeper implications. So I was watching the movie and started wondering about the ethical implications of what Morpheus and his crew is doing and what the machines are doing as well. I would like to put a challenge out to one Doctor Stephen H. Kellert if he gets around to reading this, well not really a challenge but I would love to talk to him about this sometime, perhaps while playing Yu-Gi-Oh. In the meantime Stephen can send his comments to my e-mail, and for the record it is Rengdale01 not Aengdale01. The real revelation I had is that really I think the machines are the morally superior of the two. The first thing to consider is the sheer number of people that Morpheus, Neo and Trinity (from now on refereed to just as the rebels). These deaths are not just programs being deleted or something they are individuals which are plugged into The Matrix which then actually do die, they are innocent victims caught in a crossfire which they don't even know exists. Really with the scale we are dealing with, it seems that the rebels amount to nothing more than terrorist. The defense is of course that they are trying to liberate people that are enslaved in the Matrix. The first thing to consider is whether this enslavement amounts to anything, the people within the Matrix don't realize that they are enslaved, therefore it seems if they are not aware that they are enslaved it can't really be considered a hardship on them. They still have meaning and lives within the Matrix; they have no knowledge they being used, how could this be seen as more a negative then us simply living our lives. The point can also be made that the machines don't see humans as anything more than batteries, but again this isn't really important since the people within the Matrix don't know this they cannot really be affected by it. The machines do do things like liquefy the dead to feed living, but it is a way to sustain the lives of these people, perhaps the only way considering that as it was pointed out in the first movie that the humans completely destroyed the environment. The fact that the rebels seek to "liberate" these people seems to be ignoring the fact that the don't means to support this population, so if they were able to succeed and defeat the machines, the people that they liberated would starve to death slowly. The fact that the world that the machines provide is not the real world also seems irrelevant, what is real is what we can perceive and what we can reason through, for the people in the Matrix this certainly would not be that there is a world that beyond that, that would beyond the shores of reason and could only be taken as a matter of faith. The world for of the Matrix is what is real and is the only thing which is real for those within the Matrix, and really it seems in most ways to be the preferable world. The machines might use us, but if we don't know it can't matter, and they try to give us utopia.

2003-05-19T23:25:00.000-07:00

Christ, There is no God! (This should have been posted last night but hey better late than never)

2003-05-07T10:09:00.000-07:00

A quick run down on my theory of Pac-man. I believe that Pac-man is a game all about sustained addiction. I mean you have this little yellow guy that can't stop, instead he just runs around eating all of these little dots compulsively. While he is doing this the guy is being chased around by ghost who if they catch him he stops, but only for a short time and then he goes back to eating the dots. This brings us to the so-called "power pellets", the super dots that make it possible for him to devour the ghosts themselves. Clearly Pac-man is addicted to the dots he eats, which we can see in his overriding compulsion to eat them, and his inability to stop. The ghost then must represent the forces in Pac-man's life that are trying to get him to stop; they represent intervention. Why ghosts? You wonder, clearly ghosts were chosen as the representation, due to the lives of the people that he has pushed away, and therefore they are now know more than ghosts in Pac-man's life. The “power pellets” then are the good fix that makes Pac-man forget any regret, people or reason that he might quit, which is why he can devour them at this time, because now during the time that he is on these "power pellets" he feels to good to regret any loss and only wants to continue what he is doing. But like any fix Pac-man too must come down, and then he is let with just those little fixes that don't make him feel any better, they are just there to keep him normal having already become so depend on the pellets. You might notice that as you work up in levels the "power pellets" last for shorter and shorter periods of time which than shows how Pac-man, or any addict, grows a tolerance of their drug of choice and the so called good effects last less and less time. So as you can see Pac-man is just another simple addict trying to avoid confrontation with those that might stop him choice in behaviors. Moreover Pac-man is a symbolic representation of all addicts and their behavior, doing their best to keep up their typical behavior and avoiding any forces that could stop them, or force them to question their choices. The fruit that Pac-man gets points for eating, then represents those things that you give up along the way, in order to maintain an addiction. You get points when you eat them because it shows that they are still a part of Pac-man but soon those first fruits stop appearing and others take there place showing that those aspect of who you were are now lost to addiction and now you must try and save a different thing for a few moments longer. A few final points on the Pac-man addiction realization, first haven't you ever noticed all those dots lined up, just like little lines of cocaine for our yellow friend to snort up, and two, Pac-man and Heroin have the same number of letters and yet none of them overlap because that would make there connection to obvious. Now that you understand the true nature of Pac-man you must decide if you should still run from the ghosts.

2003-05-06T02:44:00.000-07:00

Not that anyone actually reads this, not that I mean them to even but all the same this next one stays cryptic, if you know me well enough you'll get it. Really that is enough to worry me. Upward and onward though. What I actually was meaning to write about, six, it is six now, and that is bad. I am just hovering on six which is a problem because six isn't really availible, hell isn't availible at all. Normally I get better and move on under such circumstance but not this time and I have no clue why. Hell I hit six knowing that it was bad. Damn I just want six to stop cause it is starting to suck.

2003-05-02T13:18:00.000-07:00

So you know that I have been an English major to long well here is just more proof of that (stitch is safe this time though). So I was sitting at work today and working on my Shakespeare paper dealing with male characters attempting to dominate female characters to reassert there masculinity because they had previously been emasculated by the same female characters. Ok that is enough of the paper cause it really doesn't matter. So the think is i realized what a horrible term emasculate is, considering that people are emasculated when they suffer a loss to power. What is so bad about this terminology is that it renforced the idea of the powerful male and the powerless female. This point is futher laid out considering the fact that if you were to say that a female character was masculinized it would be percieved as a bad thing, and yet for a man to become emasculated it is also a bad thing. Their is an intrinsic gender dynamic in the lanuage of this. This gender dynamic is heightend more by the fact that woman are never said to be emasculated, to say that would be absurd because by the dominient paradigm they are not masculine in the first place, but looking at the conotation of the words themselves the suggestion is that woman are not powerful, or are not suppose to be powerful while men of course are. Therefore what it seems like it actually the problem of men becoming emasculated is that they are becoming more like what the common construction of women is. Similarly for women to be masculinized, it is a problem because they are becoming like the common view of men. Gah, this gendered language! I need new terms, and a break from interpretation.

2003-05-02T12:50:00.000-07:00

Well kids, I really don't have a lot to say at the moment. X2 made many people I know wet themselves so that is a quality endorsement, me it just left in a state of perpetual school girl giggling, oh how i miss those days. I am working on a paper for Metaphysics right now on the definition of Terrorism and what it is about terrorism that makes it Terrorism, so i am sure that you will see my ranting activities up in the next few days. I recently heard that some profs of mine read blogs they can find to see what students think of them so I will try and work Mike, Kellert, Kris, Cady and other profs in soon.

2003-04-25T13:54:00.000-07:00

Nope I am still fuming, but I think I will keep this one short and general. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE! Not quite that short, I should explain. I just don't get this newfound love of Conservatism, what is so appealing about being a bastard and not even in a fun way? Seriously, the federal government has gone the way of the Conservative considering the fact that the "President" is a fundamentalist nut. My state is going Conservative if you read the last thing I wrote you'd already know that. What the Hell is up with this? Christ, I mean I get that I am liberal, this really is a no-duh statement, but christ this is absurd. The funny thing about all this right wingism is that it is just pushing me more and more left because I just want to get the hell away from it. For example, where is my division of church and state, where did it go, I mean when the "President" is publicly stating that he believes that he has been chosen by God I really think that that division in that area is lacking. And all this war talk, we bombed the hell out of the innocent people in Iraq to teach their bad leaders a lesson and remove them from power, but really our leadership isn't that much better, I mean at least Iraq technically elected their leader. But still, even though so many people did not support the action in Iraq, and it has really pissed off a lot of our typical allies, we are still thinking about attacking someone else, WHY WHY, WHY, THE HELL ARE WE ALLOWING IT. I am going to take this opportunity to say hello to the FBI or whomever else Rumsfield or Ashcroft has out there looking for this kinda rant cause freedom of speech is such a pain in the ass for those trying to maintain power. The world we live in has just become a little to power hungry and intrusive for my taste, and this isn't oh democrats want social programs intrusive this is Orwellian, 1984, Big Brother is watching intrusive which is a little bit different. People are, or at least were, so afraid that the big bad terrorist was going to get them they have given up the freedoms that they were trying to protect. Some of the stuff about the U.S. Patriot act which it there to protect us from any of that nasty free think stuff, is just scary, the fact that the government doesn't need a warrant if it is a matter of national security, which they define the terms of, and all of that is just frightening. The idea of the TIAS (Total Information Awareness Systems) which would record credit card spending, criminal records, websites visit, books checked out at libraries, phone calls made, magazines you subscribe to all of this information at the fingertips of any agency without ever needing a reason to access it, the fact that this system could become a reality is just another thing to keep me up at night. To top all of this off, though they have denied it the justice department is making a sequel the US Patriot act, US Patriot act 2, which has been leaked and people have copies of directly from the justice department. What is really great is that the Patriot Act 2 looks to be even better than the first, and by better I mean now with even more constitution violating power. Yep when that one passes I will probably be on of the first people on the train to the camps, but that is cool, I never did get to go to camp as a kid.

2003-04-25T13:24:00.000-07:00

Ok, now that I know this is up and running I feel the need to live up to the name. Oh yeah it is Rant o'clock, cause my brain is about to 'splode. So as anyone that knows me knows and those who don't know me won't care anyways, I live in the formerly lovely state of Minnesota. I say formerly because my beloved and me home have reached a kind of impasse, we elect idiots, its like were Florida or Texas or something. Yeah, so in Minnesota we have gotten rid of Jesse V (and I say Good Riddance) but now we have this wonderful Governor Tim Pawlenty, or as I am going to call him Timmy P. Now Minnesota used to be very liberal, which you know makes me happy. Schools are good, people like the environment its a nice place to be, but recently with the help of one Timmy P we have got some new laws. The first one is a conceal and carry law, oh yeah that’s right, now in Minnesota if you have a permit you can carry a concealed weapon to hunt all those deer that wander the city. Ok, really I want someone to explain this to me, how is allowing people to carry guns on the street going to prevent crime since many crimes that I hear about involve guns. Is it that with more guns that Man A won't attack Man B with his gun cause Man A might have a gun too? It seems like sometime people are going to get attacked anyways, wouldn't it be more effective to just take away everyone's guns, if no one has a gun could someone really get attacked with a gun. Ok, wait I know what my problem is, second amendment right to bare arms, all right I get it. The thing is first of all the arms that that is talking about it for a militia since the government at that time had no military of its own, so I guess if people are ok with dismissing the military all together and fighting against any foreign threats on there own I would be ok with people owning guns, plus it would probably reduce the use of the military which I am all over. The other thing is that when you are talking second amendment you aren't talking Semi-automatic handguns, you're talking muskets, and muskets I don't have a problem with. All I want is a little gun control, if you want a hunting rifle fine, they are big and hard to conceal I don't hear about people getting robbed or killed with rifles nearly as often, so I don't give a damn, but come on why do you need handguns? Oh wait your protecting the homestead, FROM WHAT! If someone breaks into your house armed, which is fairly unlikely, but their are no hand guns what the hell are they going to be armed with a knife, a hunting rifle, so what I wouldn't care about that nearly as much as someone coming in with a handgun even if I had one too. So that one thing our stupid new conceal and carry law, so guys with small dicks can feel more like men, great. Another law that is new here is a 24-hour waiting period on abortions, so that men can continue telling women what to do (yay!). That's right kids, in Minnesota now if a woman wants to have an abortion for any reason, as I understand it, they have to come in to talk to the doc and then come back the next day so that nutsy pro-lifers can tell them how horrible they are twice. Just to spice this whole deal up Doctors also have to tell the women that what they are aborting is a living thing, and that it can feel the pain of being aborted, just to preface all of this or midface since I am in the middle of it, this is all as I have heard and understood it cause I mean, I am a guy and haven't had had an abortion myself in months. So what has got me so hot and bothered about all this is that it is forcing Docs legally to tell patients something that they might not believe. What you’re aborting is living, well now that depends on your definition of life now doesn't it. Personally I don't think life begins at conception, I think of life more in the ability to breath, and continue breathing external to someone else’s body and hell I might ever revise that. In that case whether what is being aborted is life or not is kinda up for grabs depending on what you think life is and when it starts, but not here, not legally, not when it comes to doctors talking to patients. The other thing that apparently Doctors have to tell their patients before they give them 24-hours to think about this is that the zygote can feel pain. Ok, kids hear is the deal I am not a huge bio person but I do know a little bit about this, individual cells do not feel pain. Pain cannot occur until a nervous system has developed to the point how having pain receptors, that doesn't happen until at least a good way into the second or even the beginning of the third trimester. Even at that point though it is not clear that fetus could actually feel pain cause they are surrounded by fluid so they are not sure if pain receptors are really going by that point, plus is it really pain if you have no concept of what it is? Anyway the long and the short of it is that these poor doctors are being put in the position of legally having to tell women something that they may not believe and in other cases is an out and out lie. Talk about a breech of ethical conduct. Ok, well I am going go calm down now before I snap.

2003-04-25T12:26:00.000-07:00

Trying this again for the first time, since I lost my big first attempt. Testing 1, 2, Testing. We ok out there? Can you hear me?